Monday, March 22, 2010

Johnny's Back, Motherfuckers

Fuck yeah. Johnny's back in the mother fucking hou--what's that? You didn't even notice I was gone? Are you shitting me?

I pause Road House moments before Dalton is about to make love to Elizabeth "Doc" Clay—portrayed pitch-perfectly by Kelly Lynch—to check in with you assholes and you weren't even I aware I'd been away? Johnnyheads, how could you be so insensitive?

You know what? Fuck you guys. I don't need this shit. I do this as a public fucking service. (God, wouldn't it be awesome if there actually was an entity known as the Public Fucking Service? A pro-bono organization that arranged and coordinated public acts of fornication, solely for our amusement and/or participation? "Putting It Inside, Outside. Since 1948." Now back to my tirade.)

Suck it, Johnnyheads. Go read Perez Hilton or even worse, Mega Superior Gold. (Please. We all know they're the same person.)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Subway Stories 11: Recession? What Recession?

No, your life's going well if you respond to this ad.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Canada: The Epitome Of Culture And Sophistication

Nice beaver, Canada.


If I had a nickel for every time I've seen William Shatner emerge from the ice...